The month of June is when people are thinking of vacation.  Warmer temperatures are springing up, schools are out for summer break, and weddings are on the horizon.  

June is here and wedding invitations are arriving in the mail.  Couples are drawing closer to their special day. They have spent countless hours preparing for a day they will never forget.  They can’t help but think ahead to what the next year might look like.

The first year of marriage is important for building a foundation to stand on for years to come.  The honeymoon stage is when we move in together and learn about the little things our partner does that draw us closer, as well as the minor things that drive us crazy.        

One of my pet peeves was how my husband used to put the silverware away. He would throw it in the drawer. There was no rhyme or reason to his madness.  I couldn’t figure it out. Why? Why did he do this? (More on that later.)

Have you heard of the “24-5 principle”?  It stems from the Bible, Deuteronomy ch. 24:V.5.  It reads, “When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any public duty.  He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.”  

There are different ways to apply this doctrine.  For example: Making time for each other spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  Trying not to make big decisions during the first year, like a job advancement, or taking on more commitments outside of the home until a foundation has been laid out.  It’s important to focus on each other. Here is a real life example that has worked for others: Agreeing on a place you both like to eat. You can make this your special place.  It’s a place to build communication, pray, laugh, share your fears and stories, be vulnerable, and build your friendship.  This is a place you can come back to time and time again. It’s creating a new tradition. It’s dedicating one-on-one time for you and your bride.  It’s showing your spouse, I love YOU! I want to spend time with YOU! I want to get to know the ins and outs of YOU!

While you have taken time out for yourselves, it’s also important to remember how family and friends are a big part of our lives.  Choosing not to spend as much time with them during that first year has the potential to ruffle a few feathers. It’s important to speak with your family and friends about the importance of spending less time with them and focusing this first year on your marriage as you are getting to know your spouse.  Ask them to pray for you while you take this time to make your marriage stronger.

While I know you are waiting with anticipation to know why my husband would just throw the silverware in the drawer, walk away and not think twice about it.  He explained when he was a little boy that they had an empty drawer in the kitchen with no silverware tray. His dad made him stack each section of silverware just so in the empty drawer.  He told himself when he got older that he would do it his way. When he moved out, he did just that. Then I came into the picture and had to learn that my way wasn’t necessarily the right way -- we just had different ways of doing things.  

The blessing is that our many conversations over meals at the table helped us to talk about this pet peeve of mine in a positive way, and bless his heart, he looked through my eyes and tried it the way I was used to.  It wasn’t very long before he stopped putting silverware away. Not because he didn’t want to compromise. Maybe, "It's just that I knew not having him do this one small thing would make him happier." The boys and I do it now and I’m good with that.  It’s a win-win for both of us. The two big things we learned through taking the time out for us are communication and compromise as blessings in our marriage.

As for the 12% of couples who have a June wedding, continue to work on effective and constructive communication.  They are key components to a healthy and happy relationship.

“A good marriage isn’t something you find, it’s something you make.”

- Gary Thomas

Book References:

• The First Five Years of Marriage (Phillip J. Swihart, Wilford Wooten)
• To Have & To Hold Bible Study (Byron Weathersbee, Carla Weathersbee)

Online References:

Wedding Wire (https://www.weddingwire.com/)